It's Because I'm a Girl, Right?

Huh. 
What?!
Oh no!
Oh.

These are a few of the responses I got from some of my close friends and family when I shared the happy news that I'd been asked to preach at my church. Some others - who found out via Facebook - said nothing at all.

And I get that. It's weird. It's different from the traditions we came from. And besides, woman preachers are all ultra-liberal-feminists with an axe to grind...right?

But still, it hurts. It hurts to see the reservation in someone's eyes when you're sharing your exciting news. It hurts to know that, even though they're not comfortable with it, they don't even try for your sake to fake interest, let alone excitement, on your behalf. It hurts to know that if it was Steve who told them he was preaching, they'd be thrilled. They'd ask him questions, offer prayers perhaps for a good experience, invite their friends to come and hear him speak on the Big Day.

But, because I'm a girl, it's weird. It's awkward. 

And I know most don't mean it this way, but it's a little bit shaming, too. Instead of rejoicing at the chance to follow my passion and use a gift that's been growing in me, I feel apologetic somehow, like I need to explain that I'm not trying to be a rebel, I'm not trying to be a usurper. I'm not one of those ultra-liberal-feminist preacher-women.

I'd like to explain to them that I've never sought out preaching. I've intentionally never asked or inquired about opportunities in this area - that has been my own personal fail-safe to make sure that if and when it did happen, it was from God and not from my own ambition. Seven, eight, nine years I spent silently waiting, and two months ago, I was asked. I trust that God is willing to work with my personal fail-safe to trust now that this request was approved by him.

I'd like them to know that I have struggled with this issue, researched it, and used my brain and seven years of theological education to make an informed decision. I didn't just decide it sounded better because I wanted it to be. I found the arguments for egalitarianism to be the most persuasive and in line with Jesus and with the Biblical witness as a whole.

But I won't tell them anything - because attacking complementarianism and winning converts isn't my goal. Living out my vocation is. And that's been huge for me - to realise that, although I'd like the approval of those closest to me, I don't have to have it. The confidence is there now, I have peace that God is walking this journey with me.

But still, it makes me sad. It hurts to know they very well might think I'm sinning by following what I sincerely believe to be my God-given passions. In truth, it often frustrates me that people think it's wrong for me to preach - simply because I'm a woman. This is how it feels:

• View A (mine): Wow, how wonderful that you're so excited and passionate to share God's Word!
• View B (others): How unfortunate/wrong that you're a woman who wants to share God's Word!

It reminds me a bit of the story of the blind man in John 6. While everyone else was debating whose sin was responsible for his blindness, Jesus healed him. And instead of Response A...

• Praise God, a man who was blind all his life can now SEE!!! How amazing! How wonderful!!! 

...the religious folks gave Response B:

• Um, it's SATURDAY! How dare you heal on the SABBATH!!

Is it fair to say they might've been missing the point? 

All that to say: I'm not trying to pick on those with a different view in this area, and I'm certainly not suggesting that my hurt feelings are reason enough for a change in one's theology. But I think it's worth sharing/hearing how it feels to be a woman on the outside - to feel judged by another believer for using the gift you are fully confident is from God - for no other reason than your gender.

Is there some way to rejoice with each other in this area despite our differences? Or is avoiding the issue the best we can do?

PS - If you're so inclined, you can read my sermon here.
PPS - Since Rachel Held Evans tweeted this post, I've got an influx of new pageviews. If you'd like to hear a little more about my vocational journey, check out my earlier post, Finding My Voice: A Turning Point at Calling Lake. :-)