Mourning With Those Who Mourn: A Prayer for the Displaced, Lost and Grieving

Since I started attending our liturgical Baptist church in the city, I've had the opportunity to try my hand at writing small bits of liturgy along the way. I've been so fascinated by the process, of looking at the first and second testament readings, pre-reading the sermon if available, and then weaving common themes into prayers of invocation and calls to worship. This past Sunday was my first time being in charge of the prayers of the people - a daunting task for me, since I have felt like a prayer-novice all my life.

I got some helpful guidance from the wise pastoral staff at church, but one that was particularly freeing was the advice to let the prayer sound like it's from me and not someone else. So, I pressed forward to combine the sermon theme ("seeking the peace and well-being of the city" - Jeremiah 29:7) with some of the themes that have been on my own heart recently.

Over the last couple of weeks, I've been doing quite a bit of mourning with those mourn and, my own version of this verse: questioning with those who question. My parents have been facing a second summer of intense wildfires that have destroyed friends' homes and threatened many others. My province has faced some of the worst floods in the history of Alberta, forcing 100,000 people to evacuate their homes, not knowing what they'll find when they return. Friends of ours have travailed through the adoption process for close to four years, only to have their beloved daughter pass away weeks before she was to come home to them from across the world. An old friend of mine chose to take his life on Father's Day, leaving a wife and four young children behind to figure out how to make sense of something so senseless.

I wrote this prayer with these things in mind.

When Two Plus Two Equals Five: The Spirit in Community

Well, I got my second chance at a sermon, preached on May 19, 2013 at First Baptist Church in Edmonton, AB. Here it is:

Acts 2:1-4 When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them.

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Today we conclude our 37-week narrative lectionary with the story of Pentecost – the long-awaited outpouring of the Holy Spirit, the holy Wind which blew new life into the people of God. Over the past few Sundays, we’ve jumped ahead to see what grew out of that first amazing wind-and-fire experience: we’ve watched the clueless disciples grow into spirit-filled leaders of the early church.

And it all started with Pentecost. I wonder what images or ideas come to mind for you with the word “Pentecost?”

Perhaps you or someone you know has had a “Pentecostal” experience – a supernatural outpouring of some kind. Perhaps it brought you joy. Or perhaps it made you uncomfortable. Maybe the word ‘Pentecost’ awakens your own discomfort with anything that feels too mystical or touchy-feely in the spirituality department. For some of us in the Baptist tradition who have trouble knowing just what to do with mystery, perhaps we’ve simply skipped over Pentecost rather quickly to the more tangible aspects of our faith. Or, maybe it’s a word you don’t even really understand.

My strongest association with the word is one of discomfort and it comes from my Bible College years, when I volunteered for a weekend with a Christian prison ministry. What I witnessed that weekend was a manufactured event that used spiritual themes to manipulate broken people. My disillusionment turned to indignation when I received a follow-up letter in the mail, declaring the event a rousing success. In fact, the letter stated: whereas only 3000 people were saved on the day of Pentecost, over 5000 were saved this weekend alone at the Weekend of Champions!!!

Unfortunately, this is what often comes to mind when I hear the word “Pentecost” – the way a Christian organization boiled down this climactic moment in history where God fulfilled his ancient promise to pour out his own Spirit on his people – to a success story about numbers.

And this is how some people think about the Spirit – that “it” is a powerful force which can be harnessed by people to manufacture results – numbers saved, miracles performed, power demonstrated – all of which are more about the product than the people. Or even worse, some have seen such demonstrations and declared the whole business to be phony, a sham.

Accidental Agents and the Texture of the Kingdom

"And there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain."

So says God himself in the Book of Revelation: Here is what my redeemed, restored world will NOT look like. All of this crap will be gone – forever! It’s a comforting thought, a verse that has encouraged me in some of my darker days.

But I've only been getting half the point. These things - death, mourning, crying, pain - won't be there. What will be there in their absence?

The Questioners and The Comfortable: Toward a Healthy, Robust Community

There's a river, swift and raging and growing bigger every day, of people who are leaving: leaving church, leaving evangelicalism, leaving orthodoxy, leaving God altogether. They are wounded, cynical, discouraged, and angry. And more than a few of them are sad to be leaving, but feel there is no place left for them in the traditional church. The reasons are as varied as the people who make them, but there is one theme that flows like a strong undercurrent, forcefully lending speed to the waters. There is one accusation that recurs again and again, murmered, whispered, shouted, or thrown like a dagger to strike a mortal blow:

"My questions weren't welcome."

I have read so many stories of sincere and intelligent, tenderhearted people who were earnestly seeking to understand God and the Bible - people who asked honest, difficult questions - who were made to feel unwelcome by Those In Charge. Their questions, their very presence in the church, were viewed as a threat. Their struggles and doubt and openness to shades of gray were viewed as a disease, which, if given a voice, might spread and infect others in the church. Some were silenced. Others were asked or forced to leave. 

Not all of us have such scary questions. Some are content with a simple faith, one that doesn't ask much but trusts completely, and nestles into the comfort of unquestioning faith. Some have questions but have learned through trial and error which ones are safe to speak out loud, and which are better left unasked. Some have no questions left because they presume to have found all the answers. But others - a growing number in our postmodern age - are full to bursting with questions that cannot be silenced and will not be pacified with pat answers. 

Is There Childcare in the Desert?

I wrote up a rather passionate post last week, but in the end I decided it was a good vent, but a bad post. As Steve pointed out to me, it'll need a few more drafts. Stay tuned.

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In the meantime, I've decided to tell you about the great new book I mentioned in my last post, titled In the Midst of Chaos by Bonnie J. Miller-McLemore. Let me begin by saying This Book is Awesome!! I've only read the first fifty-something pages, but I'm savoring it as I go, luxuriating in the feeling of releasing some of my previous ideas about what constitutes or contributes to true and meaningful spirituality. The guilt is lifting, by degrees.

Even the preface made me feel encouraged. Here's how she concludes her introduction:

Now I release this book, imperfections and all, and bless it on its way to you. Rather than additional burden or guilt, I hope it will free you to practice your faith more abundantly, loving those around you in the midst of life's craziness and letting go of failures, faults, limitations, and sorrows to live more deeply in grace. (xx)

In Chapter 1, Contemplating in Chaos, Miller-McLemore challenges the pervasive belief that spiritual transformation of the highest order happens in solitude: peaceful, prayerful, and silent. We have romanticized and idolized the stations of monk, pastor, or ascetic as the most suited to spiritual growth and development. People such as these have the necessary space to make room for God in a way that your average parent of children simply can't...or so we've often been led to believe. As a new mom and inexperienced Bible Study leader of a group of moms, I once brought up Martin Luther's comments regarding his prayer life in the midst of busyness. He wasn't too busy to pray, he said, rather his busyness was exactly why he needed to pray, on average, 2-3 hours a day. I cringe at the memory of the guilt I must've inflicted on these women (myself included).

Four Resolutions for 2013

A cynic or an unkind person might conclude by the title of this post that the battle's already been lost: it's three weeks past January 1, after all. An optimist or a generous person might point out that's just how committed I am - I won't give up, even after getting started so late! Reality wanders in the fog somewhere between my intentions and my acedia*, my spirit and my flesh.

The house is fairly clean, the holiday things are mostly put away, my correspondence is somewhat caught up. Good enough. Time to make a plan! Resolutions have gone notoriously bad for me. Most years I have made a long and detailed list of the Me I Want To Be, and....nothing changes. I am still disorganized, I am still a slacker, I still couldn't be bothered to do fifty sit-ups if my life depended on it.

Last year's list.

And yet, I persevere! This time I'm going with themes rather than itemized points that set me up for failure. And I'm gonna try to keep it short this time: four resolution-themes. And just because I Am That Nerd, my themes are alliterated: Blog, Body, Babies, Bible. This might help me remember them for longer than the first week, and putting them on my blog might hold me accountable for even longer still!

Resolution Theme #1: Blog
The blog has been neglected. Life has gotten busy. Facebook has gotten so interesting! But mostly I'm just too lazy or undisciplined to be effective in my writing life. And yet it plays a part in so many of my dreams: to finish my Master's degree, to write a book, to gain wisdom. So, a modest goal: write at least one post a week. Who knows but that little seed of discipline will grow into something strong and tall someday!

Resolution Theme #2: Body
Time to get back on the wagon and start living a healthier lifestyle once again. There will be no calories counted, no check marks ticked, but the bigger theme of caring for my body will be my overarching goal. A friend shared a post from Michael Moore's Facebook page and I got sort of inspired:

But the truth is, exercise does not work, diets do not work, feeling crummy does not work. Nothing works. My advice: Quit trying to be something you're not, be happy with the life you've been given, and just go for a pleasant walk outside. With me. Wherever you are. Get off the treadmill, stop drinking diet Coke, throw out all the rules. It's all a scam and it conspires to keep you miserable. If it says "low-fat" or "sugar-free" or "just 100 calories!" throw it out...The path to happiness - and deep down, we all know this -- is created by love, and being kind to oneself, sharing a sense of community with others, becoming a participant instead of a spectator, and being in motion. Moving. Moving around all day. Lifting things, even if it's yourself. Going for a walk every day will change your thinking and have a ripple effect. You'll find yourself only eating when you're truly hungry. And if you're not hungry, go clean your room, or have sex, or call a friend on the phone...You do not feel better admonishing yourself or beating yourself up or setting up a bunch of unrealistic rules and goals with all the do's and dont's that are just begging to be broken. You wanna know something? I eat ice cream every friggin' day. I drink a regular Coke every single day. I put butter on things. But I also walk every day. Some days now, I walk twice. And now I've started to do some push-ups and lifting stuff. It's building muscle, and in doing so, has created an extra furnace to burn stuff and create energy. Weird! That, in turn, makes me sleep 7-8 hours a night which is another game-changer. And all the walking and lifting makes me thirsty, so that makes me drink more water -- another huge plus!

(Read the entire post here.) 

Walking, moving, being kind to myself and enjoying my life. It sounds good. I'll give it a whirl!

Resolution Theme #3: Babies
Have I mentioned before that my experience of motherhood has been rife with guilt? In the midst of my culture shock as a city girl in a rural locale over nine years ago, I was also coping with a whole new ballgame: being a Mom. I'm still trying to get a handle on the whole thing. I love my kids, I always dreamed of having them, but I just haven't managed to be the Supermom that I'd always imagined I would be. I know I'm a pretty good mom, I know my kids love me, and I'm confident they know I love them, but I'm just not as intentional as I thought I'd be - about imparting my faith, inspiring their imaginations, or doing cool crafts. Most days I'm overwhelmed just surviving!

Yesterday I read a blurb for a book called In the Midst of Chaos, by Bonnie J. Miller-McLemore:

In the Midst of Chaos reveals what it takes to find the spiritual wisdom in the messy, familial ways of living. By rethinking parenting as an invitation to discover God in the middle of our busy and overstuffed lives, it relieves parents of the burden fo being the all-knowing authority figures who impart spiritual knowledge to children. Finding spirituality in family activities such as reading bedtime stories, dividing household chores, and playing games can empower parents to notice what they are doing as potentially valuable and to practice it more consciously as part of their own faith journey. 

Chaos, messy, busy, and overstuffed sounds right up my alley. I put in an order for it today. :-) I'll be looking, and making room, for ways to be more present with my children as we share life together - normal, everyday, chaotic life.

Resolution Theme #4: Bible
This one is always there. I never read it as much or as often as I like. I tend to read a lot of great books about the Bible, and that has been immensely helpful to me as I've wrestled with issues of hermeneutics, interpretation and worldview, but in the process I've become aware of some large gaps in my biblical literacy. I tend to focus on the trees and lose sight of the forest.

I've been thinking about the particular idea of wrestling with God's word ever since I read Rachel Held Evan's blog post, entitled I Love the Bible, in which she likens her own experience of wrestling with the Bible to Jacob's wrestling with God. We cannot encounter God and his word and walk away unchanged. I'm ready to jump into the ring for a fresh round of interaction with this Word-and-Flesh that informs my entire life. I need to immerse myself in The Story for awhile, to reframe my story within it. My goal is to read the entire Bible, from start to finish, by the end of June. I'm going to resist lingering too long at any one point so I can get that forest-view, and begin to see where the trails merge, and separate, and peter off. I might even find a surpise lookout or two.

And that's it! Pretty reasonable, I think. Say a prayer for me as I press ahead. And what about you? Any resolutions, or perhaps an anti-resolution or two?

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*Kathleen Norris defines acedia as "spiritual sloth or laziness." She wrote a book about it (Acedia and Me), but...I haven't gotten around to reading it yet. ;-)